Sometimes we need to do things that just aren’t nice. How do we know when that is, though? What if no one is actually being hurt, physically - is it better to just stand aside and let something continue?
I’ve been trying to be a ‘better person’ (whatever that means) - and a big part of that is trying not to be ‘unnecessarily cruel.’ That is, don’t gossip, don’t hurt people thoughtlessly, etc. Even if someone raises my ire, better to ignore them and move on than get into an unnecessary conflict. But what is the right course of action if there’s something or someone bothering me, or me and my friends?
Every week, I gather with friends to watch movies and shows of group interest. It’s an official club recognized by the college we attend, with a club ’mission’ and everything - in not so many words, the purpose of our group is to hang out, watch things, and have a good time. Sometimes we play board games or cards, but for the most part, it’s just a place for us to get together. Most of us have classes or work schedules that prevent us from meeting all together for the rest of the week, so it’s like a weekly reunion.
Our club has been changing and growing for some years, and gone through splits, unions, and changes in leadership. I consider most of the people who show up pretty good friends, and most of those friends I met in club - and we get new people moving in and out of the group all the time. But, it being open to anyone in the student body, sometimes people who don’t exactly ‘click’ with the rest of the group show up.
For the most part, none of us really mind. Some of the people are pretty awesome, even if they don’t come every week, and we usually hang out at one of our houses at the end of the night after club is over, so anyone who proves to be a bother isn’t a huge issue - they just don‘t get invited along. Any annoyance we deal with during club is just an annoyance at club - and that’s all. Even then, we don’t typically run into any huge problems.
It being a gathering where we watch things on a single TV - typically recently released movies or new episodes of series we’re all following - the greatest annoyance is background noise. We have club rules (posted, as well as in a binder for anyone to look at) against playing videogames with the sound on, loud conversation, loud, unrelated talk or discussion (that’s what the student center is for!) and general distraction. Anyone who breaks these rules doesn’t just get kicked out of the room without a chance to stop being distracting - they get Warnings. After a number of Warnings have been issued to the same person, the Officers of the club meet and discuss what action to take - usually this ends up in some sort of confrontation, and if it’s really bad, a month long suspension. Multiple suspensions may result in a Ban, but this has yet to happen - and we‘ve only ever issued one suspension. Depending on how distracting or inconsiderate a person is being, warnings may range from 3-10 or not even counting. After all, we’ve all been excited by something or laughed inappropriately loudly, or forgotten that there aren’t subtitles on if it’s an anime, so it’d be wrong to give someone a Warning because of a small slip up. But, when it’s a constant issue, like someone who comes in every club meeting and is known to make a lot of noise or be generally disagreeable to the majority of the room, it can be a little difficult to deal with. We’ve had to deal with such an issue a number of times, and it usually follows the same steps:
-The person comes in and rather than sit and watch what’s on the screen, will attempt to strike up loud or unrelated conversation.
-They are asked to please quiet down or leave the room if it‘s really bad. This may happen multiple times before a warning occurs.
-Feeling like the people who issue the warning (typically one of the top three officers of the club) are ‘mean‘ or ‘unfair,’ the person being Warned will sit in the back of the room and complain to anyone who will listen about how rude and hateful we are.
-The person being Warned will continue to attend the club, every week, and continue to complain from the back, or carry on having loud conversations or being distracting, and receiving warnings.
-Tension will eventually reach a head, and the person is confronted by our ‘Warden’ - aka, the Officer responsible for dealing with people who are being a constant bother.
-The person storms out and may return at a later date, more subdued, or not at all - though they may continue to complain about us outside of the group.
