The first post of 2012 has come later than I would have liked - a combination of having a lot of different things I’ve been wanting to post about and an inability to work on that writing has made it so that, until tonight, I’ve had to put it to the side. There’s just been so much to do lately: between school, finding work, taking care of my temporarily disabled father, unfortunate events and even just regular day-to-day chores, there hasn’t been much time for me to work on personal projects, including (much to my chagrin) this blog.
Even more distressing to me, the inability to schedule down-time means that Warden and I haven’t been able to indulge in much romance, a fact that rang particularly true just a few nights ago on the date marking our second year together.
“This isn’t how I wanted to spend our anniversary,” he told me towards the end of a long day, sitting in the car at parking lot to our school. His tone communicated annoyance with himself and life in general. We weren’t able to celebrate that night: the beginning of the day before had been a lot of running around and driving back and forth to take care of errands that couldn’t wait, ending with both of us too tired to stay up together for very long. The morning-of had started early to attend the funeral of one of the most influential teachers (and people in general) of my life, and ended with hanging out with friends - time that seems precious given the looming dissolution of our close-knit group as everyone makes plans for the future, for work, for moving and for transferring schools. Even so, we would have gone out to dinner on our own - but Warden was feeling nauseous, which only lent to his frustration. Both of us were in much better moods by the time we went to bed that night, but the whole day was a bitter-sweet reminder of the importance of just having time for the things you want to do.
Showing posts with label depressing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depressing. Show all posts
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
I'm getting older, Too.
WARNING: Downer thoughts ahead.
You know those “blah” kinds of days - I think we all get them sooner or later, some more often than others. Days where everything seems to come together to bring you down: the weather is terrible, you didn’t sleep well, and nothing seems to work quite right. And it doesn’t seem to matter what good things happen, what friends you hang out with, what you eat, what you listen to, nothing feels good or right and it feels like nothing can quite light the spark and get you going again. Sometimes it’s fleeting, and all it takes is one really bright, wonderful thing to get you going again. Sometimes it lingers, and when it does, it’s usually for one of many fairly typical reasons - like realizing, honestly, truly, that you’re getting older: and for just that reason, you can‘t seem to reconcile yourself with the world anymore.
I can’t stand those kinds of days.
A big part of preparing posts for this blog/journal is reading and research - other blogs, articles, updates to online publications, watching documentaries, films, going into forums to ask questions and discuss things, and generally exposing myself to a lot of input from around the world regarding spirituality - and human behavior - overall.
Much to my chagrin, despite my efforts I look around and I can’t understand a lot of what I see. Everything moves so fast now, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any chance of slowing down or catching up if you fall behind. Near total access to anything from around the world allows for flash-in-the-pan celebrity status for the most trivial of things, and people I wouldn’t have ever imagined when I was a child being given five minutes on TV take up News reports for days, weeks at a time with pointless shenanigans.
I can’t tell the difference between enjoyment and ‘ironic’ enjoyment of a lot of things anymore in a culture that embraces and celebrates its worst aspects with shows like “Toddlers in Tiaras,” “Jersey Shore,” or “16 + Pregnant.” Even saying you don’t like these shows doesn’t mean much - it’s been shown that just being exposed to these shows are bad for you. The problem is made worse by the fact that, because so many people watch reality television and it's become a big part of social interaction around the water cooler or at school, if you're not watching the shows, you're left out of the loop. Reality television has also taught a good chunk of the American populace (from a very young age) that immoral and unacceptable behavior is worth money and fame: and that it's okay to be humiliated or to humiliate others rather than question why a behavior is wrong and stop it. This attitude has taken deep roots in the newest generation.
You know those “blah” kinds of days - I think we all get them sooner or later, some more often than others. Days where everything seems to come together to bring you down: the weather is terrible, you didn’t sleep well, and nothing seems to work quite right. And it doesn’t seem to matter what good things happen, what friends you hang out with, what you eat, what you listen to, nothing feels good or right and it feels like nothing can quite light the spark and get you going again. Sometimes it’s fleeting, and all it takes is one really bright, wonderful thing to get you going again. Sometimes it lingers, and when it does, it’s usually for one of many fairly typical reasons - like realizing, honestly, truly, that you’re getting older: and for just that reason, you can‘t seem to reconcile yourself with the world anymore.
 |
| *sigh* |
I can’t stand those kinds of days.
A big part of preparing posts for this blog/journal is reading and research - other blogs, articles, updates to online publications, watching documentaries, films, going into forums to ask questions and discuss things, and generally exposing myself to a lot of input from around the world regarding spirituality - and human behavior - overall.
Much to my chagrin, despite my efforts I look around and I can’t understand a lot of what I see. Everything moves so fast now, and it doesn’t seem like there’s any chance of slowing down or catching up if you fall behind. Near total access to anything from around the world allows for flash-in-the-pan celebrity status for the most trivial of things, and people I wouldn’t have ever imagined when I was a child being given five minutes on TV take up News reports for days, weeks at a time with pointless shenanigans.
I can’t tell the difference between enjoyment and ‘ironic’ enjoyment of a lot of things anymore in a culture that embraces and celebrates its worst aspects with shows like “Toddlers in Tiaras,” “Jersey Shore,” or “16 + Pregnant.” Even saying you don’t like these shows doesn’t mean much - it’s been shown that just being exposed to these shows are bad for you. The problem is made worse by the fact that, because so many people watch reality television and it's become a big part of social interaction around the water cooler or at school, if you're not watching the shows, you're left out of the loop. Reality television has also taught a good chunk of the American populace (from a very young age) that immoral and unacceptable behavior is worth money and fame: and that it's okay to be humiliated or to humiliate others rather than question why a behavior is wrong and stop it. This attitude has taken deep roots in the newest generation.
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