"Why Bother?"

Why?

Why bother purposely to get hooked on what has been long described as the opiate of the masses? How exactly can I explain this…

I don’t want my religion or practice to affect or be in contradiction with what I feel or my own morals. I’m not looking to convert to something that will radically change me, or my views on the world. If, however, I find something that fits well, and it happens to help me appreciate the world and the people in it a bit better, awesome.

Why believe in a God?

Who said I did? I'm a bit on the fence about the idea. On one hand, I’ve always (since childhood) been more or less aware of some sort of major power that connects everything. For all I or anyone knows, that could be God, or maybe schizophrenia. It could be Chi, or it could be microscopic symbiotes living in our blood.

The sugary representation of how I feel after referencing Star Wars two posts in a row.

On the other, despite these feelings and experiences, I've never been through anything that definitively proved to me that there is a specific higher power. I’m exploring what that feeling is, and different ways of getting in touch with it. What I’m looking for is something that lines up with my own morals/ideas/values - which may or may not include the worship/acknowledgment of a higher power.

Later in life, I may return to one of the big three religions - but for now, the male-biased hierarchical system of a religion putting its God before all others just isn’t for me.

All religions have their flaws, their unpleasant or dubious pasts: their fanatics, their radicals, their unfortunate sons and daughters who took good ideas and perverted them for the purpose of war and power. But I still believe that religion can be a good thing, that it can provide a set of personal rules and a guideline to live by. I want to believe.

DAMMIT I'm such a nerd

I’m not looking to find a God/Goddess exactly - I’m looking to find myself.

Again, not looking for comments on this. Not looking for haters or people who want to preach to me. Just, for anyone who was curious, wanted to give an idea of why I’m doing this at all.