Assumptions make an awkward situation for you and me

We didn't have as many crosses as this, but you get the idea.

A few years ago - maybe as few as two - had I walked into a home and realized that I was in a pagan household, I would have expressed mild interest. Much further back and I might have felt a certain degree of discomfort.

My mother‘s enthusiastic discovery of Jesus Christ around 2003 meant I lived in a very Christian flavored home. Bible verses on banners and in frames, a cross in every room, a small ceramic bust of Jesus above the TV, etc. Christian pop and choir sung hymnals played all through the lit hours of the day, and some hours of the night. There was a time when I would get yelled at for wearing ’boy’ shirts or basketball shorts - after all, women aren’t supposed to wear men’s clothing, according to scripture. Living in such an environment (and having grown up attending my grandmother‘s church), it shouldn’t come as a huge surprise that I just accepted Christianity as a belief and a part of my life.

Though I had friends in high school who talked about being witches or Wiccans, I don’t know how serious they were about it then and didn’t really take it seriously. Kids in black nail polish and bondage pants came off as less youth-seeking-spirituality and more teens-rebelling-against-the-norm.

Sorry guys, but this look just doesn't scream 'seeking a deeper spiritual truth' to me.

Though I might have worried vaguely about their immortal souls at the time, I didn’t (and still don’t) believe in forcing my own beliefs on any else.

These days, now that I’m exploring a pagan path, however, I recently found myself in a very awkward feeling situation.
Several friends and I were gathering at house for the first time this past Thursday to hang out, play games and watch movies. Walking up the drive, I realized there was a three foot long cross imprinted into the cement. I sort of nodded it off, but walking in, I immediately spotted three more large and prominently placed crosses, and other various signs of Christianity. I felt instantly nervous. The friend who’s house we were at (We’ll call him CM) had expressed an interest in pagan practices before and we’d discussed what I was learning about it in the past - I hadn’t realized he came from a home that was so… well, non-secular.

I had brought my Grimiore (a sort of journal for recording personally relevant spiritual information, and a subject worth its own post) to work on while the boys played games I wasn’t really interested in. Though CM’s parents were great about having his friends over so late at night with little advance warning, I was suddenly uncomfortable around them. I waited till they were in bed to even open the book.

I did my best to be polite while they were present, wondering the whole time how they would react if they knew about my leanings. I had no reason - based on CM - to believe that they would react negatively if they knew I was pagan. I suppose my fears were mostly based on my mother, who I know would be distraught - if not downright furious - that I don’t attend church any more not because of distance, but because it’s no longer my place of worship. Or, perhaps, I was making assumptions that they would make assumptions about me.

I was afraid that if they knew, they would think of the stereotypes - the concept of magic exaggerated into ridiculous shows of light and solving every mundane problem, and various pagan traditions portrayed as satanic and anti-Christian. I was afraid that if they heard that I was pagan, they would automatically believe that I spilled blood for the sake of Satan under the New Moon, that I recite the lord’s prayer backwards, and that I am inherently evil and shouldn’t be friends with their son. But why? Again, based on CM’s easy acceptance of my actions and beliefs, I had no reason to believe that his parents - friendly and polite people - would react poorly to knowing the truth. Looking back at this fact, I realize that I had fallen into my own assumptions based on stereotypes - that all Christians are anti-pagan, with the same rabid fervor that some are against homosexuality or abortion, that Christians push to convert their friends and acquaintances, or that they don’t know the facts about other cultures and beliefs.

It was eye-opening to realize that I was afraid now of a group of people I once counted myself amongst - and it was a good experience for me to realize that my choices aren’t just going to affect my relationship with those I know, but those who have yet to meet me.

Just as I know that many pagans aren't out there in gowns and crystals, using fairy tale names and noble titles in their everyday lives, and are just fine with Christians, I know there are Christians who aren't bible-thumping religious isolationists, and are just fine with the peaceful practices of others. But I think everyone, including myself, needs to be reminded now and then how important such accepting people are.

Still, for the time being, I think I’ll stick to the rule of discretion practiced by many pagans - that, unless someone seems genuinely interested in learning about it and that talking about spirituality won’t cause troubles, I’ll make my beliefs known through my actions rather than my words.




*Much love for my goth-flavored friends and those who dressed the part in high school - you know I'm just joking around :p.