My problem?
After several months, I think I’ve made a lot of progress on finding something that works for me - but I’m not really sure what I’d call it.
The way things work right now, I’ve learned a lot about some common divination systems (dowsing, Tarot and Runes) but I use them for introspection - not telling the future.
I’ve learned to have a certain amount of affection for various plants (I now have a favorite birch tree in a nearby park) but I don’t feel that they can actually talk to me in any verbal sense, though I sometimes feel like I’m getting some sort of response to my presence near them.
I celebrate the Sabbats - the equinoxes and solstices, and the cross-quarter holidays that come between them. I honor the concept of the God and Goddess, but when I do, I’m honoring the idea of them inside myself. I do not get the sense that there are actually any gods or goddesses watching over me or controlling my fate.
I’ve definitely found what feels like a home in Paganism - getting closer to the earth, being more nature aware, being more in tune with my body and my environment, and learning to be more empathetic towards the people around me are all things I’ve found to be encouraged under the umbrella of Pagan beliefs. I’ve found a lot of encouragement to research not only spirituality, but art, history, culture and literature. Still, I’ve run into a lot of stuff that mixes the religious aspects of what I’ve found with what feels like a lot of metaphysical fluff.
Lately I’ve been calling myself a Pagan - but is it possible to be Pagan, but worship no gods? To practice rituals without believing in magic?
Sometime back I bookmarked an article called “Confessions of a Broom-Closet Skeptic” by Tess Avelland, and I think it hits on a lot of things I agree with (hit the link for the full thing).
An excerpt from Tess’s article sums up how I feel right now pretty well:
“Is a belief in the occult/new-age pseudosciences a part of being Pagan? And if the answer is Yes, what should I be calling myself? I am a Pagan, and I don't believe in them. I don't necessarily disbelieve in them either, mind you. I leave the possibility open, as I try to do with most ideas. It's just that I think of them more as optional peripheral interests than as primary characteristics of Neo-Paganism and Nature Spirituality. What I consider essential to Paganism are the Goddesses and Gods, the tolerant and gentle code of ethics, the ritual celebrations of Nature and the turning of the seasons -- the religion, in other words.”
It felt nice to stumble on this bit of writing and find someone who had encountered the same issues I’m having now. Her essay opens up with:
“One of the things that attracted me to Neo-Paganism inititally [sic] was my impression that even though the religion was mystical and beautiful and emotionally satisfying, I was not required to shut down my reasoning capabilities in order to accept it. However, sometimes I feel as though that's exactly what I'm being asked to do.”
Originally published in ’94, the message still feels fresh and makes a lot of sense to me. Tess goes on to talk about one of the big problems with how people view paganism (especially religions like Wicca) is that the people that stick out the most right now are the odd balls. People who want to escape their ’boring, mundane’ lives and switch over to something that seems dark and magical, wear capes and cloaks, and feel like they have some sort of power over their lives and the lives of others. Anybody can be a pagan - your computer repair guy, the woman who runs your daycare, the mailman, the guy who cooked your food at that nice restaurant you went out to the other night - you don’t see it because it’s something that’s part of them, not something that defines them.
The people that stick out though - and contribute to my reluctance to just using the word ‘pagan’ to describe myself - are the ones using Paganism as a way to scare their parents into giving them attention or as an excuse to wear gothic clothing and gaudy jewelry. However, I’ve begun to realize that even with those kinds of people setting the wrong impression for others, if it turns out the Pagan path is the best for me, then it’s going to be my job to set the right impression.
After 9/11 and all the media attention on Muslim Extremists, millions continue to call themselves Muslim though they faced a lot of misplaced hatred and racism fired up in the name of patriotism. Despite the negative stereotypes surrounding Christians, depicting them as intolerant or ignorant bible-thumpers, millions call themselves Christian and continue living their lives doing their best to adhere to the teachings they find in the Bible. I would think, remembering this, that I could probably call myself a Pagan and handle dealing with some misrepresentation of fellow practitioners all being rebellions, black-garbed teenagers looking for attention.
Pictured: not valid representations of the religions they're representing.
On that note, while I may use the work ‘Pagan’ to describe my current beliefs, I still don’t know that it’s quite the right word for what I am.
I was introduced to the term “Rational Mystic” recently - someone who believes in the principles of Science, but ascribes to the romantic imagery associated with more ‘magical’ ideals. Sounds almost right - but after looking into it more, I've found it's more about believing in Magic on the 'quantum' level. There seems to be a lot of pseudoscience down this path, and dissecting the aspects of paganism associated with magic - basically this is something that removes religion from the equation and tries to rationalize the beliefs instead. Not quite what I'm looking for.
“Spiritualist” sounds about right too - after all, I’m looking to mold a spirituality that feels right to me. I’ve seen it defined as “Someone who studies many religions and practices and uses what works, discarding what doesn’t.” Sounds good - but this seems to encourage the pick-and-choose mentality that can weaken an approach to the spiritual over all.
I suppose I could say I have an ‘undefined’ approach to religion, but let’s be honest - that sounds unbearably pretentious.
...Says the gal with the gold/cream blog about such deep topics as religion and spirituality.
“Pagan” will have to do for now - maybe ‘non-deist pagan’ or ‘pagan atheist’ - but humanity being around as long as it has, I’m sure someone, somewhere, has slapped a label on exactly what I am. I may never find it, but hey, they say the journey is more important than the destination, right?
If nothing else, it’s so far proved to be one hell of a ride.
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