A moment of Peace

    The first post of 2012 has come later than I would have liked - a combination of having a lot of different things I’ve been wanting to post about and an inability to work on that writing has made it so that, until tonight, I’ve had to put it to the side. There’s just been so much to do lately: between school, finding work, taking care of my temporarily disabled father, unfortunate events and even just regular day-to-day chores, there hasn’t been much time for me to work on personal projects, including (much to my chagrin) this blog.
   
    Even more distressing to me, the inability to schedule down-time means that Warden and I haven’t been able to indulge in much romance, a fact that rang particularly true just a few nights ago on the date marking our second year together.

    “This isn’t how I wanted to spend our anniversary,” he told me towards the end of a long day, sitting in the car at parking lot to our school. His tone communicated annoyance with himself and life in general. We weren’t able to celebrate that night: the beginning of the day before had been a lot of running around and driving back and forth to take care of errands that couldn’t wait, ending with both of us too tired to stay up together for very long. The morning-of had started early to attend the funeral of one of the most influential teachers (and people in general) of my life, and ended with hanging out with friends - time that seems precious given the looming dissolution of our close-knit group as everyone makes plans for the future, for work, for moving and for transferring schools. Even so, we would have gone out to dinner on our own - but Warden was feeling nauseous, which only lent to his frustration. Both of us were in much better moods by the time we went to bed that night, but the whole day was a bitter-sweet reminder of the importance of just having time for the things you want to do.

Joyful Yule

Though this is a post regarding Christmas/Yule, I’m not here to talk about it’s decidedly pagan roots - a quick bit of googling will clear that up for you pretty quick if you didn't already know about all that. What I want to talk about today is what was probably the first stress free and completely wonderful Christmases I’ve had in some time.

The days leading up were a little awkward for me - this was my first year sending out my own Christmas cards, and shopping around for gifts on my own. But a white-elephant party with my friends and a family gathering with my boyfriend’s family wrapped up this holiday very nicely for me.

The dinner was fantastic, and so were all the gifts. I got pretty much everything I directly requested, and a few surprises as well.

Sour Dreams

Anyone who’s been following along so far would know that, based on my past posts regarding Symbolism, Dream Guides and spiritual direction, that I hold dreams in pretty high regard. Even if dreams are just the result of the mind spitting out random images and ideas, I believe very strongly that they provide a window into the subconscious and the things that worry - or delight us - the most.

A month or two back, I was plagued by stressful dreams about my father, and life in general. I chased them off by hanging up a dream catcher near my bed, and putting a special gris-gris near my sleeping area, with carefully selected items inside to - if the intent was correct - redirect any bad dreams so that if they didn’t hit the dream catcher, they still wouldn’t get to me.

For a while, this seemed to work. If one were to believe the idea that Dreams come from outside the body or mind, and were the result of spiritual or magical influence, these measures made sense. And as I’ve said before, if they can affect my subconscious and give me calm, then I don’t care whether or not they’re magic.

But what if the cause of the dreams is completely internal? Magic or not, if I’m setting up things to keep out bad influences and ignoring the cause of stress carried in my own subconscious, then I’m not going to be very effective.

I’m bringing this all up because, much to my annoyance and loss of rest, the stressful dreams have returned with a vengeance.

Walk in the park

Today was a local celebration with art vendors, craft tables, beer tents, live music, a battle of the bands - the works. There were tons of people of all ages, and lots of dogs. I got let off work early and set about walking around. Right away I found a mortar and pestle for a great price, and snatched it up. Rain clouds that had moved in cleared away, and the sun was bright but not hot.

I walked around and just watched. I got caught up chasing a lost twisted balloon flower with little girls, and couldn't stop laughing. I got to pet at least 3 types of puppies, wander in and out of stores that are always closed when I go by - it was wonderful. I donated money to charitable causes, and watched people all around me perform random acts of kindness.

I made my way to the little park where the bands were playing, and found a seat on a bench. I didn't realize I'd sat down next to someone's stuff - he'd left it beside the bench - and when the owner came back, he sat down next to me. We watched the bands together in silence, and he suddenly jumped a little - his expression seemed to say "how could I forget."

"Would you like a bottle of water?" He asked, reaching into his bag, sounding apologetic.
"Oh! Yes, please, do you have an extra?"
"I have lots, the church down the street is handing them out for free."